What to Say while Attending a Funeral?

Expressing yourselves might be a hard task for many of us, especially at events like funerals. It is hard to find the words of sympathy, especially when you are in a state of grief. We get anxious the moment we try to express ourselves and how others will perceive it. You might be wondering that is there a better way to say it? Will they be upset if I say something wrong? According to Michael Scarpaci, a stakeholder at funeral services in Staten Island, there are a few things that you can on a funeral to honor the deceased without hurting the sentiments of anyone.

The first thing you must keep in mind is that you are there to support them. Losing a loved one all of a sudden can be stressful for the family members. The words should come straight from the heart, and the grieving must know that you are with them during thick and thin.

What to say at a funeral?

Try to stay as much relaxed as possible while grieving, and you don't have to say anything perfect. Words must be expressed from the heart.

Michael Scarpaci has given different examples that can be used to express the thoughts at a funeral:

I am sorry for the loss.
You and your near and dear ones are in my thoughts and prayers
If your family needs anything, I am there for you.
(Insert Name) brought joy to everyone and will be truly missed.

Try not to say the following things:
He or she is in a better place now
I know how you feel
At least the deceased is no longer suffering
Be strong
It is time for him to go

Finding the words of sympathy at a funeral is a delicate issue, says Michael Scarpaci. They must be planned before expressing them to the family of the deceased to avoid hurting their sentiments.

Funeral Etiquettes by Scarpaci Funeral Home Services

During funerals, family and loved ones come together to mourn the loss of a loved one. It can be hard on people when the loss is unexpected, as it can even take a toll on their health. Funerals are a sensitive matter. Hence it is expected that proper behavior is shown while attending the funeral of a deceased. It includes dressing up well and showing compassion while visiting the funeral home to show utmost respect to the dead. Hiring the services of a trustworthy funeral home is also essential to conduct the event smoothly. Michael Scarpaci shares a few etiquettes that you must obey while visiting a funeral service:

Cell phone manners - Keeping your phone on ringing mode is not acceptable while attending a funeral as it is a very intimate event. It is advised to limit attending calls during the event or to only participate in urgent needs.
 

Bringing kids to the funeral - If you have children at home who are relatively young to follow appropriate funeral behavior, then it is advised not to bring them along. Funeral services can be difficult for children to infer, so you must avoid tagging them along. Michael Scarpaci explains that funeral services can be intimidating for children. They may not be prepared to deal with such a situation so early in their lives. So it’s better to hire a babysitter for a couple of hours.
 

Do not post on social media - Funerals can be a very personal event. Relatives of the deceased such as cousins might come together to console each other. Make sure you don’t start posting pictures and videos on social media as it might be an invasion of privacy. Staying low key is the best resort while attending funerals.
 

Funerals can be tough to attend, as an individual has to go through a lot emotionally. Death might come as a sudden shock if it is unexpected. Hence you must try to be decisive and take care of the loved ones of the deceased. Planning the funeral at an excellent funeral home such as Scarpaci funeral home in Staten Island helps you get rid of unnecessary hassle during a funeral.

Michael Scarpaci:Everything you need to know about the wake!

Everyone has to go through the pain of losing a loved one. Whether or not you have ever experienced this, it is important to get yourself familiar with all the “after-death rituals.”

“Wake” is one such ritual that plays a great role, says Michael Scarpaci. 

What is the wake? - It is an intimate gathering of the deceased’s family before a funeral service. Today, people host wakes at a funeral home or house of worship. This can either be held on the same day as the funeral or the day before. 

However, there may be slight variations in the wake service. The purpose remains the same. The wakes are typically hosted to console the deceased’s loved ones and family and to say goodbye to the lost loved one. The guest list of a wake includes close friends, family or colleagues.

According to Michael, the wake is an opportunity to gather, and comfort each other after the great loss. 

What you should say?

The wake is the gathering involved a few people. This means it is difficult to escape the ceremony without saying anything. Most often people have no idea about what they should say to the deceased’s family and friends at the wake. Never say cliche lines, such as “I understand how you feel,” or “He or she is in a better place”. 

Instead, share a short story or memory that you have with the deceased. And, never forget to sign the guest-book before leaving. Always remember, grieving doesn’t end with the funeral. It is a journey that can last for months, years, or lifetime. Hence, it is important to stay in touch with the grieving person and help them heal. 

What can you wear?

When it comes to the dress code for a wake, it is similar to what you wear to a funeral service. Although it's not necessary to wear black, you should pick simple clothing that represents the somber nature of the occasion. You can also attend the wake in your work clothes if you’re directly coming from your office. Just remember, stick with the basics and you’re good to go to the wake. 

What to expect?

In the wake, an obituary or death notice will be read to tell the mourners about the place and time of the services, such as funeral, and memorial.

These are things to keep in mind while attending a wake. For more tips and suggestions, consult Michael Scarpaci. 

Insight into memorial service etiquette by Michael Scarpaci

Memorial services are important says Michael Scarpaci. 

Scarpaci Funeral Home in Staten Island, Michael Scarpaci understands that it’s stressful for both friends and family to deal with the loss of a loved one. The funeral or memorial service time is very vulnerable, and people are still high on emotions. In such a condition, even the smallest mistake can cause an outburst. Hence, it is extremely important for you to behave properly at the memorial service and respect all the rules. 

What are memorial services? - These rituals usually take place in the absence of the body after it has been cremated or buried. This service involves people saying prayers, singing songs, delivering eulogies, and reading passages from the scripture. 

Memorial service is a somber occasion. Therefore, if you behave or dress inappropriately, it can hurt the feelings of the deceased’s family and friends.  

If you have a memorial ceremony to attend and it's your first time, here are the memorial service etiquette you need to know.  

Where to sit? 

The venues for memorial service can range from a theater to fire station, cultural arts hall, restaurant, and a nature preserve. If it's your first time to a memorial ceremony, it is important to know that the front seats in the memorial service are usually reserved for the family and intermediate relatives. And other guests can sit anywhere. However, if you arrive late for the funeral service, make sure you take a place at the back without disturbing others.  

How to dress up? 

Well, the place and time play an important role in deciding the dress code for the memorial service. For example, if the service takes place on a beach, lose those high heels. Overall, you can dress formally for the service. These days, families even have a dress code for the memorial service, so make sure you follow the dress code and dress accordingly. 

What to say?

The main purpose of having a memorial service is about sharing memories about the deceased person. This includes who the deceased was and talking about the good and positive things. If you have any beautiful memories related to the deceased person, memorial service is an ideal place to share it with the deceased's friends and family. 

In fact, some people even organize an open mic at a memorial service where guests can speak publicly about the memorable moments with the deceased. If you’re not comfortable talking publicly, you can share your best thoughts with the deceased’s family in private. But make sure, keep it real. Using canned phrases such as “ she’s in a better place” or “I know how you feel right now,” can make things worse than comforting. 

The bottom line

Usually, a memorial service is organized to honor and remember the deceased loved one. And every guest should behave properly to avoid making it more stressful for the deceased’s family and close friends. These are some of the things you need to consider while attending a memorial service. 

For more tips and suggestions about memorial or funeral service, consult Michael Scarpaci. 

5 ideas by Michael Scarpaci to make your loved one’s funeral personalized

Losing a loved one is never easy for anyone. However, there are ways you can make the funeral service of your loved one special and personalized. 

According to Michael Scarpaci, manager of Scarpaci funeral home in Staten Island, from displaying photographs to music and mementos, there are many ways to give your loved a special farewell. 

Let’s see the top 5 ideas to make a funeral service personalized. 

Photo display - If you’re looking for an idea to personalize a funeral service, displaying different types of photos is a good way to get started. Unlike most funerals where photos are displayed formally, you can choose a more creative way to display photos. For example, you can make a collage of your favorite photos of your loved one. It is a good way to encourage people to share their memories with the deceased person.  

Personalized floral arrangements - The next idea is using personalized floral arrangements to make your loved one’s funeral unique and special. To do this, you can use little accessories in flower arrangements, including your loved one’s favorite coffee mug or fishing tackle if you’re loved one enjoyed fishing. There are various ways to personalize floral arrangements. To know more, consult Michael Scarpaci. 

Play your loved one’s favorite song - Michael Scarpaci understands that a funeral is remorse and grieving time for friends and family, but he says it is also the time to celebrate your loved one’s life. To do so, you can even play a favorite song of the deceased person. Doesn’t matter whether the song is traditionally regarded as appropriate for the funeral or not. If it’s your loved one’s favorite song, then it is perfect in all ways. 

Use clothing - Nowadays, people follow a trend of using pieces of clothing that the deceased person used to wear. This is another way to personalize a funeral service. They often turn their loved one’s clothes into pillows or small sachets so that they can stay close to them all the time. Or use them at the funeral service to make the occasion more personalized. 

Gifts for guests - Another excellent way to personalize a service is to offer gifts to the funeral attendees. Mementos to guests not only personalize a service but also give guests a small keepsake. You can choose a small photo magnet or a bookmark with a favorite poem. 

These are some of the ways to personalize a funeral service. If you need more ideas and suggestions, consult Michael Scarpaci. 

Insight into the importance of death certificates by Michael Scarpaci

According to Michael Scarpaci, the manager of Scarpaci funeral home in Staten Island, a death certificate is a document that states the location of death, cause of death, time of death and other personal information about the person who has died. It is mandatory in New York to register the death with the State Department of Health and Vital Statistics at the earliest. You can get the copies of the death certificate from the vital records office. 

Here are the top reasons by Michael Scarpaci why do you need a death certificate.

Although there are several reasons why do you need to obtain a death certificate, mostly it is used as a proof of death for legal purposes. Some of the common reasons include:

• Veterans benefits
• Insurance policies
• Property ownership 
• Social Security Administration
• Testament and Last Will
• Union benefits
• Pension plans
• Treasury Bills 
• Individual Retirement Account
• Safe deposit box
• Bonds, stocks, or brokerage accounts
• The beneficiary of a savings account 
• Internal Revenue Service
• Post office 

Who can get death certificates?

People who are eligible to receive death certificates include:

• Children
• Parents
• Spouses
• Grandchildren
• Legal guardians 
• Siblings
• State and Federal agencies for legal purposes

However, while submitting the application to the office of vital statistics or the registrar, you may be required to provide the proof of your relationship to the deceased person. This documentation includes a birth certificate or letter stating who the applicant is representing and how they are related to the person.

How can you obtain copies of death certificates? 

Typically, there are three ways you can obtain certified copies of a death certificate:

1. You can get it through the funeral home that manages the funeral or memorial service arrangements.
2. With the help of the Department of Health’s Vital Statistics and Registry website.
3. From the local registrar at the municipality where the death occurred. 

What is the cost of death certificates? 

Currently, the State’s Registrar charge $25 for the first copy, while $2 for each additional copy. The state registrar will issue the death certificates and directly send them to the funeral home through the mail. 

To know more about death certificates, Michael Scarpaci co-owner of Scarpaci funeral home in Staten Island. 

Different uses of funeral flowers after the service

Flowers have been planning an important role in funeral traditions for thousands of years. According to Michael Scarpaci, manager of Scarpaci funeral home in Staten Island, they not only symbolize the life cycle but also bring a sense of comfort. Funeral wreaths and funeral flowers are the best way to celebrate the life of your loved one and to express sympathy. However, many people have this question about what to do with funeral flowers after the service. Here Michael Scarpaci has given some of the ways to reuse funeral flowers. 

Get them framed - The best way to use the flowers sent in memory of your loved one is by drying and framing them. This is a very special token of remembrance. 

What type of paper you should use to dry the flowers?

While carrying out the drying process, you need to dry out the flowers as quickly as possible before they turn brown. You can do it by using newspaper, printing paper, blotting paper, facial tissue or flat cardboard. There are two ways to press flowers including using a book and using a wooden flower press. 

Using a book - In this method, you require an absorbent paper and a heavy book. Since the flowers pigment can stain the pages of the book, it is advisable to use paper on each side of the flowers.

Using a wooden flower press - Nowadays, there are plenty of flower press kits available online, which come with their own sets of instructions. 

Potpourri - It is such a beautiful thing to have the natural fragrance of flowers lingering in your establishment. Since Medieval times, potpourri has been used in homes. In the past, dried lavender was used to refresh bedrooms and laundry. After the service, you can use funeral flowers to make homemade potpourri. The process of making potpourri is very easy, and all you need are flowers, scissors, baking tray, parchment paper, and home fragrance oils. 

Pressed flower cards - Often, people feel out of touch with family and close friends after their loved one’s funeral. You can create beautiful handmade cards using pressed flowers from your loved one’s funeral, and send them to your dear ones. It is a personal as well as a sentimental way to show your love and to thank your loved ones for being firm support all through the funeral services.

Make a centerpiece or wreath - Another best way to repurpose funeral flowers by making little remembrance bouquets for all the funeral ceremony attendees, it is the most beautiful way to show your gratitude. Or you can send these bouquets to hospitals and care homes.

Do you need more ideas to use funeral flowers after the service? Consult Michael Scarpaci. 

Tips on overcoming funeral fears by Michael Scarpaci

Do you feel overwhelmed every time you think of attending a funeral service? Don’t worry!

 You’re not alone to feel that way. Many people live with the fears to attend to funeral service. 

According to Michael Scarpaci manager of Scarpaci funeral home in Staten Island, funeral fears 
may also cause you to think whether or not you should attend the funeral. However,these fears 
shouldn’t keep you from honoring a deceased person and bidding farewell.

There are a number of reasons that you could feel stressful with the thoughts of attending a
 funeral service. For instance, a person with social anxiety might not feel comfortable 

attending a funeral ceremony where they have to meet or interact with various people. 

If you’re struggling with funeral nerves, Michael Scarpaci has given tips to overcome funeral
 fears. Read further!

Talk about your fears and anxieties - The best way to calm your funeral nerves is to talk about 
your fears and anxieties you feel while attending a funeral. You can open up about your fears
 with your family member or a close friend to let some of the stress away and to cope with your
 emotions better. 

Never be scared to show emotion or to cry - Always remember, it’s absolutely okay to express
your emotions. There is no need to suppress your tears or maintain your self-control while attending
a funeral ceremony. Don’t be scared of what will people think if you get carried away with your
emotions during a funeral service. Don’t worry! People will understand.

Find a partner for support - If you find yourself overwhelmed with funeral nerves, make sure
you have a friend or partner who can accompany you at the funeral. This way you will not alone
in the funeral service. With a helping hand and some support, it can be helpful and comforting for
you to deal with your emotion.

Calming funeral nerves using dog support - Using dogs as a comfort companion at a funeral
has been gaining popularity in the US. Losing a friend or a family member can lead to a distressing
time. So, having dogs in a funeral service can help people to relax for a while and distracting from
an overwhelming emotional time.

Besides these, you also need to be kind to yourself. Mindfulness is one of the best techniques
you can use to regulate your breathing and feel restful. On the other hand, aromatherapy oils
like chamomile or lavender and a hot bath can also be a soothing way to prepare yourself to
attend a funeral ceremony.

The Etiquette Of Funeral With Michael Scarpaci

When someone we know loses a loved one, it often becomes very difficult to talk to them. We often find ourselves at loss for words. The words need to be comforting and should make them feel better. No matter how difficult it is for you to say the right thing, you have to make sure that you don't make them feel bad.

While talking to someone from deceased ‘s family, it is quite easy to resort to the cliches. However, sometimes, cliches can be destructive and do more bad than good. Michael Scarpaci, manager of Scarpaci funeral homes in Brooklyn and Staten Island advises to follow these few points to have a healthy conversation with someone who has lost their loved one.

Start with making suggestions
The first thing you should is make suggestion rather than asking them. Do not ask them what they should do. Rather say, “Let me take care of your lawn” or “Let me pick some groceries for you”. It is difficult for the one who is grieving to ask friends, even family for help. If you see the opportunity to help, then just help.

Listen
While the griever might not be ready to discuss how they are feeling right now, but it is necessary that you keep an open ear for them whenever they want to talk. Just keep the offer of you being ready to listen open. When they want to talk, listen and remember not to interject with “you should”. Don’t give them tips on how they can lessen their grief or move on. Just let them speak what they want to. A griever can get lonely and making sure that the friend is there to listen to them  helps a lot.

A few things that you should not say to the griever no matter what:

1. “It was time” - No matter what happens, never say these words to the griever. This would mean that the loss of your friend is purposeful. It would make them worse than they did before.
2. “This was all God’s plan” - Just like the one mentioned above, this is a no say.  While it can be understood that there are things that we might not understand, saying that death of  loved one is part of a plan is wrong.

Remember, death is a natural process and needs to be taken in stride. Nonetheless, losing loved one is hard and talking to a grieved person should be done with care.