When someone we know loses a loved one, it often becomes very difficult to talk to them. We often find ourselves at loss for words. The words need to be comforting and should make them feel better. No matter how difficult it is for you to say the right thing, you have to make sure that you don't make them feel bad.
While talking to someone from deceased ‘s family, it is quite easy to resort to the cliches. However, sometimes, cliches can be destructive and do more bad than good. Michael Scarpaci, manager of Scarpaci funeral homes in Brooklyn and Staten Island advises to follow these few points to have a healthy conversation with someone who has lost their loved one.
Start with making suggestions
The first thing you should is make suggestion rather than asking them. Do not ask them what they should do. Rather say, “Let me take care of your lawn” or “Let me pick some groceries for you”. It is difficult for the one who is grieving to ask friends, even family for help. If you see the opportunity to help, then just help.
Listen
While the griever might not be ready to discuss how they are feeling right now, but it is necessary that you keep an open ear for them whenever they want to talk. Just keep the offer of you being ready to listen open. When they want to talk, listen and remember not to interject with “you should”. Don’t give them tips on how they can lessen their grief or move on. Just let them speak what they want to. A griever can get lonely and making sure that the friend is there to listen to them helps a lot.
A few things that you should not say to the griever no matter what:
While talking to someone from deceased ‘s family, it is quite easy to resort to the cliches. However, sometimes, cliches can be destructive and do more bad than good. Michael Scarpaci, manager of Scarpaci funeral homes in Brooklyn and Staten Island advises to follow these few points to have a healthy conversation with someone who has lost their loved one.
The first thing you should is make suggestion rather than asking them. Do not ask them what they should do. Rather say, “Let me take care of your lawn” or “Let me pick some groceries for you”. It is difficult for the one who is grieving to ask friends, even family for help. If you see the opportunity to help, then just help.
Listen
While the griever might not be ready to discuss how they are feeling right now, but it is necessary that you keep an open ear for them whenever they want to talk. Just keep the offer of you being ready to listen open. When they want to talk, listen and remember not to interject with “you should”. Don’t give them tips on how they can lessen their grief or move on. Just let them speak what they want to. A griever can get lonely and making sure that the friend is there to listen to them helps a lot.
A few things that you should not say to the griever no matter what:
- “It was time” - No matter what happens, never say these words to the griever. This would mean that the loss of your friend is purposeful. It would make them worse than they did before.
- “This was all God’s plan” - Just like the one mentioned above, this is a no say. While it can be understood that there are things that we might not understand, saying that death of loved one is part of a plan is wrong.
